Thoughts, post-bar.

While I have been through this lovely ordeal once before (and thankfully, came out of it both alive and successfully), taking the bar a second time has definitely taught me a few things about myself. Some of these thoughts are new, learned from this most recent experience, and some I was already aware of but had forgotten, thanks to the distance that a whole seven months provides...

One. Taking the bar exam is tough. It's a marathon of studying, memorization, highs, and lows; the process really takes over your life and can quickly put an obvious strain on your relationships. I know that I wasn't always the brightest, happiest, most likable person to be around while studying for this beast, and I truly do feel badly about how often I would let my own insecurities get to me. But I know, 100%, that there would be no possible way to get through this without my loves. Andrew has been amazing (both times, but especially for this last exam), despite how much work he has to do for his own classes. I remember a friend of mine from law school said that if she and her husband could get through the summer of the bar, they'd be able to get through anything. So I think this means Andrew and I have a pretty good shot at "making it" - we've survived two bars. My mom and sister, and Andrew's parents, too, have also been incredible with their words of encouragement and support, but I must say it was definitely harder to to not be able to come home for a blueberry scone break on rough days like I did last summer or study outside on our patio with Medyk in my lap. Thank goodness for FaceTime, text messages, and phone calls. Of course I already knew my favorite people in the entire world would get me through anything, but everything they did in this last month was so, so appreciated (and so needed). I love them more than words can say.

Two. When I say the exam takes over your life, I mean it really does, so that nothing else that you might normally enjoy can be done without the sound of a voice screaming in your head, "YOU SHOULD BE STUDYING NOW!" All I've wanted to do for the past month is to go to the gym without flashcards or outlines. And enjoy cooking dinner without trying to recite legal rules in my head. And drink wine without feeling that I should be doing practice MBE questions. And start making pysanky. And relax with Andrew. And do laundry and clean (you have no idea how badly I'm looking forward to cleaning this apartment from top to bottom).

Three. The fact that Wisconsin law students don't have to take the bar is extremely unfair. I know there's absolutely nothing I can do about it and it's something that's completely beyond my control. But really. I've already taken one and passed it - shouldn't that be enough?

Four. I took this for granted last summer: there's a lot to be said about studying at the same time as your classmates and friends. As much as any of my other friends would try, the bar is something that only those who have worked for it and taken it can understand. Studying for this test was a lonely experience at times, more so than last summer, and I really am glad it's over.

Five. I absolutely cannot wait to get to some serious wedding planning. I've been trying (mostly successfully) to hold off on doing too many things because I've wanted to save it as a reward for myself after the bar. Finally, the self-imposed ban is over and I can happily browse wedding websites without feeling guilty. We are now less than six months away; it's hard to believe I actually need to start getting things done, because for the longest time, I told myself it was too early to do anything!

This weekend we're keeping things pretty quiet - I'm still relishing the fact that I can sleep through the night without waking up...for a long time, I wasn't sleeping well and would try to lull myself back to sleep with legal rules. No, that never worked, and yes, I was crazy.

I'm going to see Andrew present at another conference this afternoon and start my pysanky production factory this evening. And in two weeks, we'll be at home, hanging out...with our family. I can't wait.

Have a wonderful weekend, friends. And happy March!